What Was Out There

 

Dark leaves, dry bark mulch

clouds full of rain, not falling.

The cars don't care, fast

to other places, other yards.

Sun Beyond Sun

 Wiggle wrag the tiggle tangle.

Tingle up your bidden.

Did It Really

Change your tune

before it is too late

baby baby baby

change your name

now, while the going's

now, before later.

The Mysterious Yodel

 It wasn't just any old yodel. It was

a large sound in the small valley, 

small by valley standards. The dips

and shadows behind boulders. Amazing

clatters that threw down small pebbles

before the skitter and plop. 

The Sea

 I looked at the sea. Its choices and waves,

curving towards the land, away from the sea!

How could they call life one big fishbowl

when it is, in fact, one big sea. One that 

beckons to be thought about, felt. 

When I Detected

 Something was amiss.

It was always the same something.

Anyway, back to raising my cats,

they're growing up fine. One has

a sleek coat and the other

is almost an angora. 

Supposed

 I was supposed to follow the instructions

about keeping quiet

especially regarding a certain lively creature

and what to call the little weirdo. In reality,

what did I miss in all the commotion?

The rinky-dink little town. Its drab streets

leading to pioneer graveyards. Plus,

what to do after seeing all the dust

and used up trees? 

Mystery of the Sea (monkey)

He begged me to join him

under the sea. I said

that would mean undersea? 

And I think he nodded at this

from in between the fronds

of kelp and such.  It was not

decoration but necessity, knowhow.

When I Was A Teenager

 

 

old with plums to cut

flatten them into diamonds

for the butter crust baked just so

back then I wanted more sugar

back then and now I need less

too many plums to use to freeze

I was old back then just a song

but true for me back then

Slinkys

 

Up in Nome we had Slinkys so at the rez when we got new ones they didn’t have the same impact. We brought along our Barbies but I left the pink dune buggy behind, it would have taken up half the metal trunk that we each got to put stuff in for the move to the desert. Mom ordered me books that were hardcover, Island of the Blue Dolphins and also Summer of the Swans, two contradictory stories. We also got Sasha dolls from Sweden that we loved because of their thick hair. Later I realized that Mom got us things she wanted that she never got as an orphan in Germany. She lived her childhood through ours yet never actually played with our things. Even the kid-sized guitar I know she was interested in. She just observed for a little while and walked away, impossible to read her emotions.

That Was Just My Job

That was just my job when I was ten. I babysat kids in our goverment housing neighborhood on the rez in Nevada. The year before, up in Nome, I was the one who had a babysitter. I studied how to conduct myself in this job and while I learned as I went, I got used to the idea that all my jobs would somehow be just like this in the future. Mainly, we played together and since I would be more grown-up at eleven and probably finished with babysitting forever, I played with Jenny and Jeffrey like crazy while I could. 

The adults had a dance party going on at our house and Pam's was four houses (mobile homes) away. I could see our house and hear the music blasting across the dried up grass full of bullhead stickers that was our house and the neatly green patches in front of the mobile homes where the doctors and their wives, and another social worker lived. Nothing happened while I worked and when I was woken up on the couch when Pam and Tom came back home, I was only pretending to sleep, I eagerly awaited how they would manage to wake me up. What would they say? What would they do?

The couch was below a self-portrait of Pam done in thick oils. It was rather large and I studied it as I fell asleep and waited for the party to end, for them to return home, for me to not be a babysitter any longer. 

Jenny and Jeffrey didn't say much, didn't speak all that much at ages one and three. Jeffrey had cat-like eyes and wanted to wrestle around on the lawn, which we did. Jenny was small and delicate. She cried easily, so I took it easy with the wrestling with her and didn't really but my heart into it in order to protect her. 

There I Did It

 Wrote about the warm pond again--

how I miss it

trying to understand 

my missing--

without actually seeing it

again.

You Say Tomato

the word is sun and warm

in the fallen leaves 

crispy carpeted grass

only green beneath plum trees

where I have watered them

almost every evening

before I check to see

if they had their meds yet

Mom and Dad I put to bed

they stare into the gloam

glad for the moon

So Creative

Wind in the drying shrubs near the house.

Water is my thought.

The shadows are not mine.

Exactly when did this dream stay.

 

Inside the Dream

 Inside the dream skip

scoot over Mr. Dream

over to your side 

of the bed your covers

It is cold here at night

blackberries thump thud

to the dried grasses 

nobody with a mouth

Company, Companion

So don't tell me
you've been sitting there
all this time
looking at dust mice
by the rag rug
I meant to clean up later
but thinking about space
is hard with the virus
hanging around just
hanging around

messing up my thoughts
plus my thighs and all
knees and ankles

Were they ever working
this poorly before
even up and down
the stairwells
in Deady?

--those nights
with a spray bottle
of 65 plus the extension mop
whatever it was called
all those months ago

These Days

These days I see you turning
What is only a few seconds
in French this turns to mush

What I see you doing is flying
Or pecking something a tree
at the tops way up there

My nights have you near
So it is not as disturbing
but wait just wait for me

When My Mind Rests

When my mind rests
I cannot rest

The night cools down
so fast

Their shirts look clean
but I smell a nervous smell

Poison takes over
the unit

Of course the strong know
many things

What opens up
so beautiful

They talk
about their hands

First Of All

The valley is a wide smile just like
the one you had in the photo.  I could only see
the gap between my teeth when I looked
laughing a year ago
into the fake space between us.

The oily leaves of oaks shine
under the windy sun. How did I get here
how did I get this far from the dry stubble
that's underneath the trees
underneath the shade so interesting
so cool and so delirious
next to our mouths.

What Now

So many pasts and presents and future falling down to past now to future chanting nothing middle pages in a book on justice crying out for an end to murder to torture to now pages falling this is motion this is not a poem looking and looking and